Every year when interleague play comes around, me and my cousin, a rabid Angels fan, always start to trash talk. Unfortunately, the past several years haven’t given me much material, however, one thing has that remains a constant: the Angels broadcasting team.
Now, I’m sure you’re all aware of the complete idiocy that is Steve Physioc and the douchebaggery that is Rex Huddler. Going into tonight’s game, I figured that they’d come on and I’d just simply mute the TV and listen to some music. But I was wrong. Instead, we get Rory Markas, Mark Gubicza, and Jose Mota.
O.K., fine, I could have muted the TV, but I didn’t. Why? Because I’m a man of the people. I make sacrifices for the sake of the common good, so I thought, since it’s been awhile, me and some good friends at the BBWC (thanks, Kyle and others!) would suffer for you and list some of the horridness that was tonight’s broadcast, which was somewhere inbetween the hour and a half they spent talking about how Gubicza got the trivia question right. Moving on…
The first notable moment of boneheadiness comes from Jose Mota who talks about the success of the Tampa Bay Rays (still can’t get over the name change). Did you know that he could forsee this instant success? How? By taking note of their highly touted prospects or any other information? No, he figured it out in the most accurate way possible: he saw them once during spring training and figured it out there.
And, hey, did you know that Mike Napoli has really strong wrists?!
Now for the actual quotes. After Erick Aybar struck out and Gary Bennett threw the ball into the corner of the outfield:
Gubicza: I’m not so sure I ever saw a guy go from swing and miss to being at third base, either. Doesn’t happen all that often.
Mota: That’s what Aybar brings.
I think that’s been the Dodgers problem for the past four years. We haven’t missed the playoffs because we lacked that power bat or that big ace. No, we need more guys who can bring the ability to run to third base on a strikeout! And, because of that, that is every reason to call for the head of Colletti. For crying out loud, he traded the missing piece; we once had our Aybar too, Willy Aybar! Surely, a trait like Erick’s would be genetic?
Despite my fantasies of strangling them all to death with a rally monkey by this point, I kept listening and, thus, our next quote comes from Rory and Jose, who are talking about something really jaw dropping that Vladimir Guerrero did during in the game…
“Markas: All about that approach, get something you can extend your arms on, not something that’s going to jam you.
Mota: That’s what I’m talking about. If you practice it enough, trust it to bring it on to the field, that’s the difference between 100 RBI’s and 140 RBI’s, things like that.”
Now you’re probably wondering what that amazing thing was, right? A big home run, a double he smashed to the wall? Nah, even better!
He hit a sacrifice fly!
However, despite the fact that Jose Mota had the most boneheadedry (yes, I like making up words) of the night, the worst one of all tonight comes from Rory Markas after Gary Matthews, Jr. hits a single into right.
“To the right side and through into right field! Izturis going first to third, Ethier’s throw is late, Matthews to second, and that’s Angels baseball!”
(takes calm breath)
O.K. Let’s repeat that: a seeing eye grounder to right field is “Angels Baseball.”
For no other team could ever do that but the Angels. Hit monster home runs, score runs, throw pitching gems? Yeah, big deal, any team can do that. But a seeing eye grounder to right? Oh, hell no, that’s Angels Baseball!
Perhaps that should be their new marketing slogan.
Angels Baseball: Home Of The Grounder!
Or I can hear Rex Hudler advertising it:
“Hey dudes, you should really come out and see GA, Big Bad Vladdy and the rest of the A-Team hit seeing eye grounders all night long! Be a washing machine, not a kitchen sink!”
Or perhaps a new commercial from our favorite, Mike Scioscia:
“I buy my TV’s from “Howard’s.” With the great deals that “Howard’s” gives, people can buy their new 50 inch LCD HDTV’s at 1080p resolution and be wowed as they watch the Angels play their own special brand of baseball, as they hit seeing eye grounders to the side.”
How fucking whacked is this guy?!
It’s sad when I ALMOST pine for the days of Physioc and Hudler. Well, not Hudler. However, with the game being on FOX tomorrow and on the Angel’s station again on Sunday, stay tuned for more boneheadedry. And, hey, if you note any other ones that we miss, e-mail me.
Until then, if you’ll excuse me, in order to prepare to listen to this tandem again, I think I am now going to bury my head in some mota.