Anyone Want to Front Me $700 Million?

Because even though we all knew this divorce case was going to be messy, it’s already so far out of control that it might spin the planet right off its orbit. So what better solution than for me to drum up some investors and take over the club myself?

So… anyone know any billionaires looking to make a PR splash?

Where do I start here? Diamond Leung has a shot of Jamie’s monthly living requests. 6-4-2 has links to a possible 911 call by Jamie against Frank, Jamie’s possible new man – a former Dodger employee – and a great dig at her ridiculous claim to be “face of the Dodgers”. Plus, TMZ – and yes, I just linked to TMZ as though it were an actual news organization, so kill me now – has the details of Jamie’s demands. At least Jon @ Dodger Thoughts sees a possible silver lining to this nightmare:

Some fear the divorce proceeding will hamper the Dodgers’ offseason plans, and for good reason. On the other hand, isn’t this the time when you buy the kids a nice pony to take their mind off the ugliness?

This whole mess is so bad, that T.J. Simers’ latest column is nothing if not the voice of reason. T.J. Simers! As painful as it might be, let’s look at what Jamie actually wants here, from TMZ:

Here are the benefits Jamie is requesting:
- travel by private jet
- 5 star hotel accommodations
- travel expenses – Unlimited
- business dinners 5 nights per week
- business lunches 5 days per week
- parking spots at Dodger Stadium
- flowers in the office
- making Dodger Legends available for events without charge
- provision of Dodger autographed items as requested for use in business and charitable activities
- hair and makeup for Dodger events
- access to team doctors for McCourt family members
- access to the owner’s suite for Dodger home games and non-baseball events at the stadium
- Tickets to All-Star games and playoff games — even if the Dodgers aren’t playing
- a pass to all National League games

Then there’s this: Jamie lists her monthly living expenses at $488,928 — THAT’S PER MONTH!!!!!!!!
Of those expenses, $333,000 goes towards her residence and vacation homes.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You rich asshole. You’re spending nearly $500k per month, and you were mocking Dodger fans for wanting to get Manny instead of building parks for kids? And then there’s this - which just kills me – from Bill Shaikin’s story, in regards to Jamie’s claim that she didn’t understand the community property document she signed:

Marshall Grossman, an attorney for Frank McCourt, noted that Jamie McCourt has practiced law, including family law.

“Jamie McCourt saying she didn’t understand what she signed is like John Hancock saying he didn’t understand the Declaration of Independence when he signed it,” Grossman said.

*snicker*. I despise having to write about this, but it’s pretty clearly going to be a big story all offseason. As Jon says, they have “torched themselves in the Los Angeles community”, and this all brings me back to what I said in our open letter to them last week:

Don’t let your personal issues get in the way of the enjoyment of millions of Dodger fans around the world, because if – as seems likely – this devolves into a path of scorched earth and courtroom rhetoric that leads to the selling off of assets on the field and a string of losing seasons like in San Diego, you might still own the team, and you might have won in the eyes of the law, but you’ll still be a pariah in the eyes of Dodger fans everywhere.

Fix this quickly and privately, or sell the team. Now. You may be striving for the spotlight, but you’re not bigger than the Dodgers, and it’s your association with them that’s brought you fame – not vice versa.

I think I speak for a lot of Dodger fans right now when I say, we hate you both. (To be fair, Jamie a lot more.) Please sell. Please. Sell.