Clayton Kershaw & Ted Lilly Discuss the Phillies Lineup

The official Dodger Twitter feed brings us this picture of Clayton Kershaw and Ted Lilly going over scouting reports, with the caption, “Ted Lilly, who gets the start tonight on Duke Snider Night, goes over the Phils w/ Clayton Kershaw”.

Somehow, I imagine the conversation went a little differently.

Kershaw: First, they have Jimmy Rollins. He’s not what he once was, but still dangerous, so be careful with him.

Lilly: /allows homer

Kershaw: Shane Victorino is next, if he’s not suspended. He’s kind of an asshole. It’d be best to get him out so there’s not men on base for Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Hunter Pence, but if you wanted to hit him in the face, I don’t think any of us would have a problem with it.

Lilly: /attempts to bean Victorino, allows homer

Kershaw: The meat of the Phillies lineup – Utley, Howard, and Pence – is among the most dangerous trios in the game. You can’t let them beat you. Fortunately, Utley and Howard are both lefties, so that should help out a couple of southpaws like us, right?

Lilly: /inexplicably strikes out both Howard and Utley, allows line drive single to Pence.

Kershaw: Pence hasn’t been running as often this…

Lilly: /Pence steals second

Kershaw: year as he has in years past…

Lilly: /Pence steals third

Kershaw: but you’ll still want to keep an eye on him.

Lilly: /Pence steals home.

Kershaw: Uh, okay. Well, at least now you have the dessicated corpse of Raul Ibanez, who is hitting just .240/.287/.419 overall, and even worse (.215 BA, .241 OBP) against lefties. No problem right?

Lilly: /induces Ibanez to hit a soft tapper back to the mound, which Lilly promptly launches into the stands behind first base.

Kershaw: Fantastic. This is a problem, because Carlos Ruiz is up, and he always kills the Dodg-

Lilly: /allows two-run homer

Kershaw: Well done. With Placido Polanco injured, they’ve been hitting something called a “Michael Martinez” 8th, can you at least handle that?

Lilly: /strikes out Martinez

Kershaw: Tough inning, Ted.

Lilly: What? I struck out the side. We must be losing because I don’t get enough run support.

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  1. [...] the other side of the ball, well, for all the jokes we have at Ted Lilly‘s expense, the veteran lefty was actually pretty solid against a good [...]

  2. [...] age, and at the time, there was little hope for improvement. Yet somehow, he did, perhaps based on this chat with Clayton Kershaw that provided really the only Lilly-based entertainment all [...]

  3. [...] August 9: On the other side of the ball, for all the jokes we have at Ted Lilly‘s expense, the veteran lefty was actually pretty solid against a good [...]

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