Juan Uribe Will No Longer Haunt Your Dreams

…at least for the last month of 2011, anyway.

Surgeries are planned for Casey Blake and Juan Uribe in the coming weeks, with Blake scheduled for a neck operation on Tuesday and Uribe receiving a second opinion before undergoing a procedure to repair a sports hernia.

Whereas Conte described Blake’s surgery as inevitable, Uribe’s was something the Dodgers wanted to avoid.

“We think there is a slight tear and a nerve entrapped there,” Conte said. “There were two ways to go about this. One was to inject the area, see if it would heal, rest it and progressively get him back.”

That course of treatment appeared to be working — until Monday, when Uribe felt pain when sprinting.

“That told us the conservative approach was probably not going to work,” Conte said. “We suggested he get surgery.”

Conte said Uribe is on board with the plan.

“He would have a normal off-season,” Conte said.

Uribe ends his first season as a Dodger with a horrifically disappointing .204/.264/.294 line and nearly as many stints on the disabled list (two) as homers (four). The resulting .204 TAv is ahead of only Paul Janish, Alexis Rios, and Chone Figgins – that’s right, even worse than Adam Dunn – among the 233 big leaguers with as many plate appearances as Uribe had. (For the record, wOBA agrees, tying him for fourth with Rios, though also putting him ahead of Franklin Gutierrez.) It’s almost like you shouldn’t have given $21m to a 31-year-old coming off two one-year contracts totaling $4.2m, right?

No matter how you slice it, Uribe’s Dodger debut was an absolute disaster – but hey, at least he’s still got $15m more coming to him over the next two years plus a $1m bonus in 2014. It’s not even fun to apply actual analysis to Uribe’s season, so let’s instead delve into hilarious facts that exist concerning him:

1) Nearly eight years ago, he was traded straight-up for current teammate Aaron Miles. No, really.

2) The most Uribe-related fun we had this entire season was with a never-true-and-quickly-refuted rumor that the Giants might actually have been interested in taking him back in July.

3) There’s an entire Tumblr dedicated to how sad Juan Uribe makes everyone.

4) The best part of Uribe’s baseball-reference Similarity Score list is not that it’s a who’s-who of mediocre middle infielders over the last 20 years (Robby Thompson, Jeff Blauser, Jose Hernandez, Felipe Lopez, etc.) but that both Alex Gonzalezes make the list.

Don’t come back, Juan. We won’t miss you. Still, the fact that Uribe and Blake officially admit defeat on the same day does serve as a poetic reminder of what really had the most damaging effect on this club – that the original starting infield of James Loney, Uribe, Rafael Furcal, and Blake started just two games together, both in April.

******

One of my favorite Twitter feeds is that of Matthew Kaminski, aka @BravesOrganist, who plays the keys in Atlanta. He’s often coming up with clever songs to play for opposing players as they walk up to the plate, and with the Dodgers in town this weekend, he needs our help:

#Braves vs. #Dodgers – any song ideas for the Dodgers’ players?

Hit him up on Twitter or leave your best ideas here. The Mighty Mouse theme for Miles? “Cryin’” for Andre Ethier? The possibilities are endless.

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