Chris Capuano Cruises Over Colorado

Dee Gordon, upon being shown his line of .218/.258/.282

For the record, I didn’t completely hate the Chris Capuano signing last winter. I just want to get that out there, considering that his 5-0 record and 2.06 ERA are about to create a storm of “best signing of the winter!”, “he’s better than Hiroki Kuroda!”, and “he should be an All-Star!” stories, regardless of accuracy. Jokes aside, Capuano was indeed fantastic tonight, shutting down the Rockies on only four hits over seven innings, with a Michael Cuddyer solo blast in the 7th the only blemish on his evening, ending his scoreless innings streak at 24.2. (Though Dylan Hernandez noted that the last time Capuano started 5-0, back in 2007, he lost his next 12 decisions. So there’s that.)

Capuano made it through seven innings, his longest start of the year, before being relieved by the newly-deposed Javy Guerra, entering a game earlier than the 9th for the first time since last August. He managed to retire only two of the four Rockies he faced before being relieved by Scott Elbert; Todd Coffey, finally getting into a game for the first time in a week, allowed three hits and two runs while getting only the first two outs of the 9th. He looked awful, of course, but as I was saying on Twitter before he entered, I’m not exactly sure how we are to judge a guy who is never allowed to pitch, ever. Ronald Belisario entered to collect the final out.

Of course, none of that measures up to the fireworks on the offensive side. No, not three runs batted in from Mark Ellis, including a double and his first homer. No, not any of Andre Ethier‘s three hits, including his seventh of the year. And no, not even two hits from Matt Treanor, seeing-eye though they might have been. You know what I’m talking about – for the first time since last June off of Brad Penny, depriving me of a long-planned one-year countdown clock, our very own Juan Uribe actually hit a home run. Fans could be heard on television ironically chanting “M-V-P”, but I think we know what really happened there: #obesemode. Enjoy tonight, Juan. For once in your life, you’ve earned it.