Phillies 16, Dodgers 1: Capuano’d

capuano_2013-05-24If Chris Capuano did nothing else tonight — and he literally did just about nothing tonight — he at least helped us answer the question, “why would the Dodgers be in the market for a starting pitcher like Matt Garza or Ricky Nolasco?” Uh… that’s why.

But hey, at least mostly everyone was awful. Capuano gave up seven runs (five earned) in 3.2 innings, which is bad. But then Peter Moylan gave up five runs in two innings, and Matt Guerrier dropped three more runs in 1.1 inning, and then Brandon League — finally finding an appropriate time to enter in a 15-1 game — looked just as awful as ever in allowing the final run across the plate. Skip Schumaker made his second appearance of the year on the mound, and was the only Dodger pitcher to keep the Phillies off the board, even striking out Humberto Quintero after loading the bases. I joked on Twitter that I feel more comfortable with Schumaker than I do with League… and now I’m not so sure it’s a joke.

Then again, when all you’re going to do is eke out five hits against John Lannan, you don’t deserve to win. Yasiel Puig added a walk to go with his single, and was one of just two Dodgers to get on more than once; he is hitting .424/.459/.696 and remains awesome — though he did fail to hit a 15-run homer when he came up in the bottom of the eighth. Slacker.

It’s been 17 years since the Dodgers last allowed 16 runs in a game, but that one was slightly more fun because they only lost by one that time around. Yes, 1996 Coors Field was the best. This game actually tied the Dodger Stadium record for runs allowed by an opponent, dating back to a 1987 mess against the Giants where current pitching coach Rick Honeycutt lasted only 2.1 innings.

You can thank Schumaker for keeping that record intact. If only for his flailing arms on the mound in the midst of a forgettable disaster, Schumaker is the best… for the night only. Now let us never speak of it again. Expect some moves this weekend, both as a massive overreaction to tonight and because I’ll be out of town until Sunday afternoon.

1197 comments
Paulstralia
Paulstralia

Got winning steaks on the BBQ and ipa's in the fridge. Lets hope we can solve lee before he becomes a dodger.

Purple Drank
Purple Drank

lmao did Joe Buck really say that there are pitchers who don't like having a 9-0 or 12-2 lead?

What?

capnsparrow
capnsparrow

We owe the fillys a good old fashioned thumping tonight. 6 to nothing is good enough that way we got another 6 left in the tank for Sunday

Cochito Commish
Cochito Commish

They're talking about Puig on the Mariners/Cubs game and whether or not he should be an All Star and they say he should be.

Purple Drank
Purple Drank

Drank also just realized that E from Entourage is now the Best Buy voice guy

What a hard fall... League-esque, if you will.

Purple Drank
Purple Drank

Drank just saw that Don is actually sitting Ethier vs a lefty.

PRAISE

THE

LORD

MSTI OG
MSTI OG

excuse me while i SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

The Monocle
The Monocle

I want to see the Piazza era blue jerseys again.

Purple Drank
Purple Drank

@LA_Woman the gnats are incredibly fucked. they have fallen fast (in the games I've seen the last 2-3 weeks). Injuries are catching up to them, they think every hamstring injury is minor, they think Zito and Vogelsong and Lincecum can turn it around and pitch great when it's obvious they won't.

They have no real depth. They have no prospects they can depend on. They don't have the money to spend. They are finally sucking with RISP, and they are finally giving up when they are falling behind.

We will pass them before the ASB. Bank on it.

The Monocle
The Monocle

They do that on St Patricks day during ST

Purple Drank
Purple Drank

@LA_Woman their in-season parabola is very similar to ours from last year. Hot start, timely hitting, totally unsustainable, especially when you consider how awful Lincecum, Vogelsong (and Guadin/Kickham), Zito, and their bullpen have been.

You can see that everything's going to come crashing down real soon. Aside from Posey and Sandoval, they are nothing. Belt is not different than Loney, Scutaro will regress (especially with his mallet finger), Blanco will regress, Crawford has already been regressing, and they're relying on AAA CFs and Joaquin Arias to bat 5th. Plus, Pablo will surely find the DL again.

It's a joyous time.