Andruw Jones Should Be In Prison

I have no animosity for former Dodgers; quite the contrary, in many cases, we’ve focused so much time and attention on these guys while they were in the Dodger system that you can’t help but follow what they’re doing once they’re no longer wearing the blue. It’s no secret around here how much I backed Delwyn Young and hated seeing him go, and so of course I’ve been following him as he breaks out in Pittsburgh (.315/.388/.403, currently). The same goes for Cody Ross, who made such an impression in his short time in LA (hard to forget that 2 HR, 7 RBI day about ten minutes before he was DFA’d) and has been a solidly above-average power performer in Florida for several seasons now.

You could go on and on – for example, Edwin Jackson was rushed to the big leagues by the Dodgers, never really given a fair chance (really, 14 starts, was that all?) and after being allowed to gain some experience in Tampa, is now an All-Star and one of the top AL starters for Detroit. I’m happy for these guys, despite it not working out for whatever reason in LA – be it lack of opportunity, a roster crunch, or just outright inexperience.

Which brings us to a former Dodger who, let’s just say, does not fit that mold. If you’re like me, you’ve tried to put anything related to Andruw Jones in Dodger blue out of your mind after his disastrous 2008, but it’s a little hard to ignore when he hit as many homers in last night’s Rangers game than he did in all of 2008 for the Dodgers.

Fatty’s now up to a .929 OPS – granted, only through 160 at-bats – which would be a new career high if he can keep it up. This is only slightly in contrast to last year, when he was hitting .158, competing for the “worst season of all time”, and plotting his escape while blaming everyone else.

Are we really supposed to believe it was the tenacious Dodger Stadium crowd that hurt Fatty’s feelings so much? I suppose it could have been the proximity to In-N-Out, but Texas is hardly known for its svelte population either. The point is, when guys like Young and Ross do well, I’m glad to see it. When I see that this abomination is doing well, it just makes the memories of last year sting even more.

Hey, sportswriters. You want to complain about Manny Ramirez and his sins? At least he produces when he’s on the field. Why don’t you go after a worthless piece of crap who literally stole – and continues to steal – money from the Dodgers?

Public Enemy #1′s Weekend

So, what’d you do this weekend? Because, short of Sandy Koufax in a Giants jersey giving Vin Scully an atomic wedgie, you probably didn’t cause Dodger fans to hate you as much as Andruw Jones the last three days. Not, of course, that Jones wasn’t already despised in Los Angeles, but man – way to pile on, fatty:

Friday: Jones says he left LA because Frank McCourt didn’t respect him:
Jones said he started to get the sense that he was on his way out of Los Angeles when he met with McCourt before undergoing knee surgery last May.

“It was disrespect,” Jones said of the way McCourt spoke to him.

Jones said he was upset when his agent, Scott Boras, told him in the off-season that McCourt was looking into ways to void his contract.

While acknowledging that McCourt paid him a hefty salary, Jones said the owner had no right to complain about a deal that was mutually agreed upon.

That’s right, Andruw. Just spit in the faces of Dodger fans by saying it was absolutely everyone’s fault but your own.

Saturday: Jones homers off of Cory Wade for the only Texas run in a 3-1 Dodger victory; angers gods who shut down lights. 

: Jones homers off Chad Billingsley in a 6-3 Dodger win; following game, Jones takes candy from a baby. Literally.

Sure, the Dodgers went into Arlington and took two out of three, and that’s what’s most important. But it’s hard to ignore that we saw Jones hit 66% as many homers this weekend as he did all last season for the Dodgers.

God, I hate him.

Andruw Jones’ Historically Bad 2008, Explained

Too much time spent with Bud Heavy, not enough time spent working out!

jonesbeercan.jpgThe story:

We weren’t aware that Andruw Jones was in camp with the Texas Rangers.  For those of you who don’t know Jones, he was once one of the premiere players in baseball, but almost overnight dissolved into a catastrophically awful hitter.  He just couldn’t hit the ball, which is a hell of a problem to have when a team is paying you about 18 million dollars expressly for that purpose.  He is a hulking individual covered in tattoos who wears a determined, vaguely menacing air about him.  Around 11 am one morning he was getting ready to play in a AA practice game against the Royals.  

I walked up to him, remembering all the times I had booed him at the top of my lungs from the upper deck of Dodger Stadium last season, and held out one of the full, cold cans of Budweiser that I had been carrying around for him to sign.  The look on his face at this moment was cold and indifferent, but for a flash there I saw in his eyes a burning desire to ask me what the hell I was doing making a 10-time Gold Glover sign a beer can at 11 in the morning… but years of experience kicked in and he realized that the quickest, easiest way to dispense of me was just to sign the damn can and let me be on my way.  The disdain he wore for me as a shoeless, gangly morning beer drinker was more than apparent.  

“Thanks Andruw,” I said. I then went over to the Royals’ side of the field to watch the practice game.  Andruw was the first batter up and I wanted to wait for a quiet moment during the at bat where I could crack the can and he would be sure to hear it being opened.  He didn’t hear it and fouled out down the right field line.

(Sweet Merciful Crap, via Deadspin)

Frank Catalanotto is the Worst Player in Baseball

frankc.jpg…because he just lost his job to our favorite money-stealing fat tub of goo, Andruw Jones:

The Rangers set their 25-man roster for Opening Day on Wednesday when they released outfielder Frank Catalanotto and told Andruw Jones that he was on the team. Jones gives the Rangers a right-handed designated hitter who will likely bat fourth in the lineup.

Catalanotto, who hit .317 this spring, was told by general manager Jon Daniels in a meeting after the Rangers 5-4 victory over the Angels at the end of a very busy day of roster moves.

Sorry, Frank. I don’t care that you’ve had a good spring, that you have a career 109 OPS+, that your release was mainly due to the $6 million still owed you by Texas, or that you’ll likely catch on somewhere else and help a team. You’ve just lost your job to a man coming off what is in many ways the worst season in major league history, and that makes you, at least for today, the worst player in baseball.

(Don’t forget, this does slightly help the Dodgers, since they make half of whatever Jones makes this year. Not that it’s going to be more than a drop in the bucket, but still. God, I hate him.)

Do We Actually Have to Root for Andruw Jones Now?

Tony Jackson with an interesting note on Jones’ signing of a minor-league deal with the Rangers:

Just found out that the Dodgers get HALF of whatever he makes with the Rangers. So, if he maxes out on his incentives and receive a total salary of $1.5 million from Texas in 2009, the Dodgers will get $750,000 of that, meaning they would owe him about $2.76 million instead of the $3.5 million they owe him now.

jones_andruw0930.jpgIt’s an interesting proposition; is saving $750,000 more valuable than wishing for the downfall of a player in the opposite league? If Manny Ramirez signs for $25 million per year, $750,000 will pay for just under 5 games of his time. Sounds like an easy call to me – fail, Jonesy, fail! Unfortunately, Texas doesn’t come to Los Angeles this year, but the Dodgers do go to Arlington in June. I’m not sure if he’ll hear me yelling at him through the computer, but you better believe it’s going to happen. If he even makes the team, that is.

God, I hate Andruw Jones.