Category Archives: Flaming Dipshits

Random Stupid Quotes And Stupid People: The Angels Broadcasting Team

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Every year when interleague play comes around, me and my cousin, a rabid Angels fan, always start to trash talk. Unfortunately, the past several years haven’t given me much material, however, one thing has that remains a constant: the Angels broadcasting team.

Now, I’m sure you’re all aware of the complete idiocy that is Steve Physioc and the douchebaggery that is Rex Huddler. Going into tonight’s game, I figured that they’d come on and I’d just simply mute the TV and listen to some music. But I was wrong. Instead, we get Rory Markas, Mark Gubicza, and Jose Mota.

O.K., fine, I could have muted the TV, but I didn’t. Why? Because I’m a man of the people. I make sacrifices for the sake of the common good, so I thought, since it’s been awhile, me and some good friends at the BBWC (thanks, Kyle and others!) would suffer for you and list some of the horridness that was tonight’s broadcast, which was somewhere inbetween the hour and a half they spent talking about how Gubicza got the trivia question right. Moving on…

The first notable moment of boneheadiness comes from Jose Mota who talks about the success of the Tampa Bay Rays (still can’t get over the name change). Did you know that he could forsee this instant success? How? By taking note of their highly touted prospects or any other information? No, he figured it out in the most accurate way possible: he saw them once during spring training and figured it out there.

And, hey, did you know that Mike Napoli has really strong wrists?!

Now for the actual quotes. After Erick Aybar struck out and Gary Bennett threw the ball into the corner of the outfield:

Gubicza: I’m not so sure I ever saw a guy go from swing and miss to being at third base, either. Doesn’t happen all that often.

Mota: That’s what Aybar brings.

I think that’s been the Dodgers problem for the past four years. We haven’t missed the playoffs because we lacked that power bat or that big ace. No, we need more guys who can bring the ability to run to third base on a strikeout! And, because of that, that is every reason to call for the head of Colletti. For crying out loud, he traded the missing piece; we once had our Aybar too, Willy Aybar! Surely, a trait like Erick’s would be genetic?

Despite my fantasies of strangling them all to death with a rally monkey by this point, I kept listening and, thus, our next quote comes from Rory and Jose, who are talking about something really jaw dropping that Vladimir Guerrero did during in the game…

“Markas: All about that approach, get something you can extend your arms on, not something that’s going to jam you.

Mota: That’s what I’m talking about. If you practice it enough, trust it to bring it on to the field, that’s the difference between 100 RBI’s and 140 RBI’s, things like that.”

Now you’re probably wondering what that amazing thing was, right? A big home run, a double he smashed to the wall? Nah, even better!

He hit a sacrifice fly!

However, despite the fact that Jose Mota had the most boneheadedry (yes, I like making up words) of the night, the worst one of all tonight comes from Rory Markas after Gary Matthews, Jr. hits a single into right.

“To the right side and through into right field! Izturis going first to third, Ethier’s throw is late, Matthews to second, and that’s Angels baseball!”

(takes calm breath)

O.K. Let’s repeat that: a seeing eye grounder to right field is “Angels Baseball.”

For no other team could ever do that but the Angels. Hit monster home runs, score runs, throw pitching gems? Yeah, big deal, any team can do that. But a seeing eye grounder to right? Oh, hell no, that’s Angels Baseball!

Perhaps that should be their new marketing slogan.

Angels Baseball: Home Of The Grounder!

Or I can hear Rex Hudler advertising it:

“Hey dudes, you should really come out and see GA, Big Bad Vladdy and the rest of the A-Team hit seeing eye grounders all night long! Be a washing machine, not a kitchen sink!”

Or perhaps a new commercial from our favorite, Mike Scioscia:

“I buy my TV’s from “Howard’s.” With the great deals that “Howard’s” gives, people can buy their new 50 inch LCD HDTV’s at 1080p resolution and be wowed as they watch the Angels play their own special brand of baseball, as they hit seeing eye grounders to the side.”

How fucking whacked is this guy?!

It’s sad when I ALMOST pine for the days of Physioc and Hudler. Well, not Hudler. However, with the game being on FOX tomorrow and on the Angel’s station again on Sunday, stay tuned for more boneheadedry. And, hey, if you note any other ones that we miss, e-mail me.

Until then, if you’ll excuse me, in order to prepare to listen to this tandem again, I think I am now going to bury my head in some mota.

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Tracy Ringolsby Has Never Watched The Game of Baseball

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Friends, lets talk about the newspapers for a moment, if we can. Now, it may be true that we here at MSTI are just lowly bloggers, baseball fans without a journalism degree amongst us. We are held to no rules of integrity; if I wanted to post that James Loney and Joe Beimel held up a liquor store in Tijuana, shot the clerk, and sold his kidneys on the black market in order to finance their illegal gun-running operations, well goddamn it, I could do that. And what would happen to me? Probably nothing, except that people would stop reading this blog because it would stop being about baseball, and start being about stupidity. Okay, more about stupidity. That’s the main complaint the ‘legitimate media’ has about bloggers – that we have no training and no repercussions.

Which sort of makes me wonder how someone like Tracy Ringolsby of FOXsports.com and the Rocky Mountain News can write something as unbelievably insane – and let’s face it, lazy – as this piece of crap that showed up today, and have no repercussions. It’s one thing to have an opinion I don’t agree with – and it’s quite another to be so wrong and/or uninformed that its actually offensive.

Let’s get on with it:

What’s changed: After shelling out a five-year, $44 million contract for CF Juan Pierre a year ago, the Dodgers major move this off-season was to give out a two-year, $36.2 million contract to CF Andruw Jones. Plan is to move Pierre to left, replacing Luis Gonzalez, who left as a free agent.

Okay. Nothing too bad here – you might think that giving $35 million to Hiroki Kuroda would warrant a mention too, but, fine.

Battle front: Stuck with Nomar Garciaparra for another year after the inexplicable decision to re-sign him last season for two years, the Dodgers had to move him from first base to make room last year for James Loney. Now Garciaparra will battle with prospect Andy LaRoche for the third base job.

Still nothing that wonky. The fact that his first two points are relatively accurate should give you an idea of just how bad this is going to have to get to pull this whole article down to the level of “uninformed crap.”

Story line: A team that has taken the approach that wasting more money will cover up the money already wasted now has decided to bring in manager Joe Torre and hope that the calming influence he provided in New York can overcome the fractured clubhouse with the Dodgers. There’s one problem. In New York there was a strong home-grown foundation built around SS Derek Jeter. In Los Angeles, there’s no basis to build on.

And here we go! First of all, when Torre joined the Yankees in 1996, Jeter was 21 years old and had all of 12 major league hits under his belt. Even when the Yankees were winning it all in 1996 and going back to the playoffs in 1997, Jeter was merely a league-average hitter (101 and 103 OPS+ in those years). Point being, while Jeter obviously blossomed into a Hall of Famer, Torre hardly landed in the Derek Jeter Leadership Show. Joe Torre as manager of the Yankees predated “a home-grown foundation built around SS Derek Jeter.”

Second, this isn’t about the Yankees. “In Los Angeles, there’s no basis to build on.” You’re really going to say this in the very next sentence after bringing up a strong home-grown foundation? Really? So no love for 24-year-old Gold Glove winner/Silver Slugger winner/All Star starter/arguable best catcher in baseball/home-grown Dodger Russell Martin? Have we forgotten 22-year-old, .894 OPSing, home-grown Dodger Matt Kemp? Not interested in 22-year-old, already better than average and occasionally dominating, home-grown Dodger Chad Billingsley? I was going to come up with fun quips for Jonathan Broxton, and James Loney, all ending with “home-grown Dodger” – but you don’t need me to outline their achievements; if you’re reading this site, you know who they are.

The point is, there’s a pretty damned good home-grown foundation to build on. Which makes Tracy Ringolsby either wrong, ignorant, or both.

Strength: RH Takashi Saito has become a dominant closer and had particular success within the NL West last year. He was 2-1 with a 1.52 ERA and 16 saves in 18 opportunities within the division.

Alright. I might have gone with Martin here, but picking Saito as a strength is hardly a sin. Moving on:

Weakness: Besides SS Rafael Furcal and CF Andruw Jones there isn’t an average defensive player on the field, and that takes a toll on a team’s pitching staff.

Oh boy: here we go. Urge to kill… rising… rising… Come on! This is just ridiculous. Remember two paragraphs ago when I pointed out Russell Martin won a Gold Glove? Yet he doesn’t count as an “average” defensive player? By one metric from Baseball Prospectus, Andre Ethier was the 8th best defensive RF of 24 ranked in baseball last year. That would put him in the top 1/3 – yet Ringolsby asserts that he’s not even “average”? And James Loney? Already one of the smoothest first basement around. I’ll give you that Pierre is horrible, Kemp is inexperienced defensively thus far, and Kent has no range. So if by “not an average defensive player other than Jones or Furcal”, you really meant to say “Jones, Furcal, a Gold Glove catcher, and two other excellent fielders in Ethier and Loney”, that would make sense.

Unfortunately, I’m thinking what you, Mr. Ringolsby, really meant to say was, “oh, Andruw Jones and Rafael Furcal – those are names I’ve heard of. They must be good, and everyone else sucks.” I’m getting a little embarassed for you.

But it gets better!

Sleeper: LHP Clayton Kershaw is the top prospect in the system. If the Dodgers ever decide to truly give home-grown players a chance, the lefty will take charge.

GAHHH! I’m starting to bleed out of my forehead. Has this “journalist” ever watched a Dodger game? Or even a baseball game? Have we not already been through the fact that Martin/Ethier/Kemp/Billingsley/Broxton/Loney are enormous parts of this team, and have all already proven themselves at the big league level? Who hasn’t gotten a “chance” yet? LaRoche? He had a bad back most of 2007, and is likely to get every shot to beat out Nomar in 2008. Why does this myth persist? We are likely to have five under-27 home-grown starters this year, and six on days Billingsley goes. But, hey, we’re not “giving home-grown players a chance.” This is worse than just laziness – this is criminal.

Off-season dealings: Major free agent additions were CF Andruw Jones and backup C Gary Bennett. Major free agent losses were LHPs Randy Wolf, Mark Hendrickson and David Wells, RHP Roberto Hernandez, Olmedo Saenz and Rudy Sanchez, Cs Chad Moeller and Mike Liberthal, and OF Luis Gonzalez.

Gary Bennett. Barring injury, backup catcher for the Dodgers is about as strenous of a job as backup QB for the Packers. Yet he and his one-year deal to sit on the bench is a “major free agent addition”, while Hiroki Kuroda and his $35 million don’t even get a mention. Absolutely phenomenal work, here.

Oh, and Tracy? If you want to pretend to be a baseball journalist, could you at least, you know, spell the players names correctly? I don’t know who “Rudy Sanchez” and “Mike Liberthal” are, but somewhere Rudy Seanez and Mike Lieberthal are embarrassed for you.

As am I. Simply atrocious.

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg

Why T.J. Simers Should Be Computer Hackers' Real Target

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Folks, meet T.J. Simers. He is the second half of the Flaming Dipshits at the L.A. Times, along with WPS. Unlike Plaschke, Simers typically has a shtick and tries to be witty and humorous in his articles: he fails miserably at both. Add his smartass tone to his dumbass statements and, well, you get this from a few days ago, in how… well, kids = mean and bad. There’s several of these articles lately and while I’d love to rip every one of them, I’ll try to restrain myself… somewhat. Anyways…

After spending about a fourth of the article rambling on about McCourt, Simers finally decides to start talking about his actual article. Let the surgery begin…

Next year it will be the young leading the younger, unless Colletti really does have what it takes, a shrewd baseball man making the case that youth must be dealt here and there for just the right performer to bring it all together on the big stage in L.A.Easy to say, “just go with the kids,” but check with your friends in Kansas City.

Am I the only one that catches the irony in this statement? That he wants us to check with our friends in Kansas City, while the day he wrote the article, the Dodgers were getting their asses handed them by another youth movement, the first place Diamondbacks?

I really shouldn’t have to explain the difference with all of this, but what the hell…

Kansas City sucks because they have a very worthless and cheap owner who does not put money back in his team, hence their $47 million payroll, which ranked them 26 out of 30 in 2006. They also have had complete idiots running their organization. Combine this with their low payroll and not only is KC forced to play kids, but very likely also some bad ones too. Contrast this to the great scouting department formerly headed by savior Logan White which have enabled the Dodgers to have successful drafts, and you might notice a few differences.

They have been brought along as a pampered group in the minors, which is going to make it quite the challenge for the next veteran acquired to crack the clique.

And just wait until you really get to know your heroes: Matt Kemp, offering as much promise as any prospect in baseball, but also a jerk in the making and one of those gifted athletes who doesn’t necessarily have to work hard to get by.

James Loney, hardworking and solid in performance, is also packing an attitude that suggests he needs no more help to prosper.

You’re just going to love cheering for a group of arrogant pro athletes.

But right before we do that, let’s get to know some of TJ’s heroes…

Wait until you get to know Luis Gonzalez. Sure, ol’ Gonzo might be a saint to the media and the community, but how about we go back to last year where, despite being the biggest face in Arizona’s history, they let him go because even THEY knew he was done? Yes, that leadership of Gonzo’s was really apparent last year when he bitched over playing time, despite hovering around .260 at the time. Yes, his leadership was astounding when he wasn’t interested in playing mentor to those kids who are currently in first place right now… cocky young bastards.

And wait until you get to know the leadership of Nomar Garciaparra, who made himself a complete malcontent to get out of Boston. Yeah, he was one of the best shortstops in history from about 1997-2000, but let’s go back to the leadership he showed during his last two years there. Go talk to Red Sox fans and see how they felt about his constant sulking in the dugout during the 2003 ALCS, as well as how he managed to completely alienate himself with Red Sox fans. Or better yet… is he still nursing that achilles tendon?

As for Jeff Kent… I actually like the guy, but let’s not start.

Hard to argue right now with either Kemp or Loney, both finding this game pretty easy to play, and shoving their batting averages into the faces of anyone who might disagree.

And I hope they continue to shove their batting averages, on base percentages, slugging percentages, and every other damn statistic in yours and the other idiots in the local media, as… oh, I don’t know, their performance is actually what counts. But, no, instead of focusing on them playing a large part of winning ballgames and even making it this far, let’s smear them because… they’re not nice?

As long as they keep hitting the crap out of the ball, give me James Loney’s swagger or Matt Kemp’s cockiness any day over the candy ass “my ballplayers are role models and bring signed bats to the kids at the YMCA” propaganda. I hate to be the one to break this but: most ballplayers have egos. Big ones. If Loney and Kemp do, whatever. Just don’t make an ass out of yourself and imply that some of the veterans, like some on the Dodgers who have proven to be bitchy and malcontents at some point, don’t because they once went and played canasta with Sophia Pertrillo at Shady Pines.

We’ll learn more, of course, when baseball slaps them around a little bit, like it does to just about everyone.

Let’s recall their pampered way to making it to where they are…

James Loney – Pampered into the big leagues after hitting .380 at Triple-A last year, which led EVERY ONE in the minor leagues. Eventually comes up in late September after Nomar gets hurt again and goes bat shit crazy and also sets the L.A. single game RBI record, comes up with a key RBI hit in game three of the NLDS which put us back in the game… at least briefly (incredibly small sample size, but he went 3-4 in that series). Then after rewarding him by re-signing Nomar to a two-year deal, he goes and outhits every one in Spring Training by hitting near .450, only to get sent to Las Vegas until June 10th, with Nomar well into his 1 HR season. And despite this and despite Loney going 22 for his first 50 once being called up, he still couldn’t find consistent playing time and, when he did play, he would hit like 7th. Also, because Mr. Carne Asada Man still needed to be getting at-bats at first base, the organization then thought: “Hey, you know what we should do with his Gold Glove caliber defense at 1B? Let’s put it in the outfield!,” which led to Loney almost blowing out his knee. Quite the charmed life you’ve had, James! Cinderella would be envious.

Say you’re Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier – You had to sit on the bench throughout the first half because somehow Juan Pierre justified starting, even though he couldn’t get on base and do… well, anything productive. But due to his high salary and consecutive games streak, he got to start, while Kemp and Ethier had to needlessly platoon, despite having, unlike Pierre, the power the Dodgers sorely needed. Then once Gonzo started tanking in the second half, which just happens to be when Ethier went on a tear, Andre STILL has to fight for playing time and when he sometimes got it, our moronic manager thinks it’s a great idea to put him in the 8 spot. Then there are the times Matt Kemp would get benched a few games at a time, the list goes on. However could there be division in the clubhouse?!

That’s some of the growing pains that Dodgers fans will still have to endure too, Jonathan Broxton going through it right now, and folks, how does that feel?

Well, let’s see:

Jonathan Broxton 2007:

2.96 ERA, 137 ERA+ and a 1.17 WHIP.

That feels pretty fucking good, TJ! In fact, it feels a lot better than enduring the geriatric pains of some of the elderly we’ve had to watch this season.

By the way: no doubt Broxton blew some big games for us this September, but it’s pretty convenient to forget his recent admission of arm problems, isn’t it? Or the fact that he’s worked a career high in innings? Not to mention how convenient it is to forget that, even despite his blowup in September, he still has those numbers. Oh, the horror of having to endure that!

There are questions about Andy LaRoche’s makeup and ability to make it, and who knows if a moody Andre Ethier can take it to another level.

Not if they have a manager who has preferred to play a washed up Nomar and a bitchy Gonzo.

It’s Colletti’s job to figure that out before anyone else, make his own moves and mark as a GM, and stop a disgraceful Dodgers slide now two decades in the making.

But right now there’s no reason to believe that’ll happen.

No, because Ned Colletti’s philosophy thus far has been to sign old, washed up veterans who are in rapid decline, only because they’re “veterans”. Somehow this “veteraness” becomes, in Colletti’s eyes, more important than actual production. Sure, there are things that can be learned from veterans, Greg Maddux last year case in point. There’s just one tiny problem to that: if you’re now in a big decline and these same kids are now threatening your job security, securing a contract and getting playing time will likely take precedence over playing mentor. Again, Gonzo has made numerous comments to the press this year about playing time. Easy to blame that on the kids, but, uh, again, go back last year when he did the same thing in Arizona, despite not really bringing it. That’s not selfish? Having people now go to the press saying that they’re against a youth movement because of either their advanced age or other reasons pertinent to them isn’t being selfish? Sure it is. The attitude itself is contradicting: “Uh… say, kids, I don’t really want a youth movement and I want to play more over you guys and I let Grady know that and now the press… but… uh, dammit, why aren’t you letting me teach you and letting me show you guys leadership and professionalism?!”

You see, I don’t really care one way or the other, as long as the players actually perform, but just don’t come and sell it as them being “character guys”; that’s just stupid.

Which brings me to the irony of this entire article. Simers – and, for that matter, most of the damn local media – constantly bitches about how pathetic the organization has been run for the past 20 years and he’s actually right on that. So what’s he suggesting to fix this? To finally stop handing lots of money to old veterans near the end of their careers and go back to bringing kids up from the system, like how most successful Dodger teams did it?

No! Let’s change the way the organization has been run the past 20 years and do… more of the same.

Let’s trade the best crop of kids the Dodgers have had in over 30 years and trade them for some gritty veteraness. Guys who will walk out there and say: “My name is Ron Coomer and I am going to stuff myself with 44 Krispy Kreme donuts to turn on my experience and flash my winning smile and steal home because I am a motherfucking gritty veteran who also helps old ladies cross the street and that means something!” Who needs James Loney, when we could ship him off and go back to the veterany days of Todd Hundley and Marquis Grissom? Sure, they weren’t really that good, but, man, were they funny in the clubhouse! Let’s replace Matt Kemp with the winning attitude of Devon White. I miss seeing “DE-VO!” flashing on the scoreboard. Let’s lure Jeremy Burnitz out of retirement… he might be old and not that good, but look at how much he would care when he screwed up… you just can’t learn that yourself! It just really means something. We can even dig up the corpse of Otis Nixon (yes, I know he’s still alive). In fact, I have a better idea: as a gift for his 80th birthday, let’s install Lasorda as GM again. It’s about damn time we make another Paul Konerko for Jeff Shaw trade.

Until then… I’ll just endure watching James Loney go 3-5 with yet another HR and 3 RBI’s as he now has a league leading 28 RBI’s this month, or check out Chin-Lung Hu the fuck are you (what, you thought I’d let the Hu jokes go?!) and Delwyn Young hit HR’s, or Andy LaRoche’s two hits, Matt Kemp with another hit, etc., etc.

Bastards.

Hey, it wasn’t all bad. At least we got to see the experience of Roberto Hernandez.

– Vin vinscully-face.jpg