Category Archives: God save the Dodgers

ARGH #*(#@(&$(#$!!!!!

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As I sit here on this lovely Wednesday evening, watching the Dodgers give a shellacking to the Phillies 15-3 (payback’s a bitch, isn’t it, Philadelphia?!), including seeing the best lineup of the year, watching Kemp go 4-6, Ethier going 2-4 with a HR and 3 RBI’s, scoring a season high in runs, I didn’t think anything could damper my night…

I was wrong.

PHILADELPHIA — The Dodgers apparently haven’t given up on Brett Tomko, and he hasn’t given up on himself.

The day after Tomko’s record fell to 2-11 with a loss to the Phillies, manager Grady Little said Wednesday that he still planned to start the right-hander Sunday night against the Mets.

Aww… isn’t this nice? Tomko might have a 5.80 ERA, he might have a 1.59 WHIP, a 77 ERA+… he might get lit like every time he steps on a mound… but you know what? He still believes in himself and so do the Dodgers.

“Yes, he’s one of our five starters right now,” said Little. “Anything is subject to change. I don’t look for it to change between now and Sunday.”

There remains a chance that the Dodgers sign David Wells, recently released by the Padres. But Little shot down the possibility of promoting 22-year-old right-hander James McDonald from Double-A.

“It’s not going to happen,” Little said. “When he’s ready, he’ll be here like the other young players.”

Yes, what a shame it would be to give a young kid who is posting a 11.17 K/9 rate and 1.40 ERA at Jacksonville a chance to claim the #5 job because the Dodgers really need Brett Tomko in the rotation. Granted, there have been reports of McDonald’s velocity dropping recently, but even D.J. Houlton – currently sporting a 3.69 ERA in the PCL, although a 1.40 WHIP – should have a chance to claim the #5 spot over Tomko.

Look, I realize that I’m beating a dead horse with this, but seriously… how much more rope can Tomko get? It’s utterly comical at this point. Sure, I know some might say “well, he’s all we have,” but there’s no reason not to give Houlton or McDonald – if his current velocity issues aren’t Schmidt-esque – a chance. What’s the worst that can happen? That they end up sucking and putting up like a near 6 ERA? Oh wait… don’t we have that already? At least there is still the chance of possible upside with the kids. Tomko has not provided that in his entire career; sorry, folks, this is about as good as he’ll get.

Tomko went back over video of Tuesday night’s loss and compared it to last year, when he started the season 5-1. He said he spotted mechanical flaws that made him “look like a completely different pitcher.

Alas, the last time he WAS a completely different pitcher was back in… oh, 1997, when he put up a 3.43 ERA. Overall for his career: a 4.62 ERA with a 93 ERA+. Keep trying, Brett.

But, hey, look on the bright side: he believes in himself.

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

God Help Us All…

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Last year, the Dodgers had Greg Maddux… you know, like one of the top 10 greatest pitchers in history, to tutor such young pitching talent as Chad Billingsley and Jonathan Broxton. This year?

From yesterday’s L.A. Times…

[Roberto] Hernandez says he is doing what he can to pass along his share of knowledge, and he’s been pleased to find willing pupils in Jonathan Broxton and Chad Billingsley. They talk daily, with Hernandez asking them why they threw certain pitches in certain situations and offering alternatives.

I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but letting Roberto Hernandez give pitching advice these days is kinda like taking real estate advice from a homeless person. Or trusting Michael Jackson to babysit your kids thinking it will just be milk and cookies. Or starting “The Brett Tomko Pitching Clinic.” Or leaving your dog with Michael Vi… oh, forget it, you get the idea. In other words, he sucks.

Stay far away from him, Chad and Jonathan. FAR away.

And Roberto: while you were good about eleventy hundred thousand years ago, worry about finding alternatives to your own pitches, as you dash around with that 6.23 ERA.

For crying out loud, he’s so old now, he can’t even stay awake on the mound…

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Pack It Up, Pack It In, Part II: Grandmaster Scully – Jump Around (Remix)

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Say friends, in my near 60 years as the Dodgers broadcaster, I learned from the great Red Barber to never show any bias and to be impartial.
But even I, Mr. Vin Scully, can no longer handle this madness that I have been subjected to watching. It is something of disgust, as the Dodgers certainly have NO Petrol left in the tank. So what do I do?
Well, I’m not called Baseball’s Poet Laureate for nothing, so…
It’s time to get JIGGY WITH IT AND BUSTA MOVE!!

Click on this link in another window and sing along below…
House Of Pain & Grandmaster Scully – Jump Around (Remix) (House Of Pain/Scully)
Pack it up, pack it in
Let me begin
I came to win
Score a run? That’s a sin
They’re sending all the hacks up
Ramon isn’t even a back up
Put him in a starting role and yo we all think that’s just whacked up
Get up, stand up [come on!]
Come on, throw your hands up
If you’ve got this sinking feeling jump up through the ceiling
Lurch serves a slug fest, Grady’s talking junk
Yo, I’ll bust him in the eye
And then I’ll eat his Ho Ho
Reelin’, flunkin’
As Kent washes his truck
And our offense puts down more “donuts” than Saenz at a dunkin
Donut shop
Sure ’nuff we’ll fix this by the signing of Shea Hill’
That one that players want to pop
Chorus
I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)
Teams serve our ass and light up Brett Tomko
They just jackin’ it out and toss it like Kuo
Word to your moms: Nomar only got six bombs
He first pitch swings more than Beimel’s played beer pong
And just like the Proctor-ial Son that’s returned
Gonzo’s still popping up weak fly outs to third
They can’t hit home runs, and Juan ain’t got none!
And Furcal is still making errors with his shotgun!
But this is cruel, it’s not cool, cause our pen’s been worked to death
Like Grady playing Martin until his last breath
The kids got the skill, the vets are over the hill
Cause when they play they get whooped by Rick Ankiel
Chorus
I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)
Juan Pierre should be dropped, he hits at the top
We need to eat to his contract cause this loser’s a flop
We better call an arbitrator
Say he’s a “complementary player”
But then they would laugh when they find that’s Ned’s vindicator
And Ethier shouldn’t hit eighth like some punk, bitch
He’s hitting .301 and now he must switch?!
It up up him around, then buck buck him down
Put on your heads because the team is playing like the dawn of the dead
We’re coming to get ya, We’re coming to get ya
You know Roberto Hernandez is so old that he’ll wet ya?!
Chorus
I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)
Jump (33)
Yo, this is dedicated
To the Los Angeles, da flava, Dodgers
Score a fucking run, punks

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Pack It Up, Pack It In, Part II: Grandmaster Scully – Jump Around (Remix)

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Say friends, in my near 60 years as the Dodgers broadcaster, I learned from the great Red Barber to never show any bias and to be impartial.

But even I, Mr. Vin Scully, can no longer handle this madness that I have been subjected to watching. It is something of disgust, as the Dodgers certainly have NO Petrol left in the tank. So what do I do?

Well, I’m not called Baseball’s Poet Laureate for nothing, so…

It’s time to get JIGGY WITH IT AND BUSTA MOVE!!

Click on this link in another window and sing along below…

House Of Pain & Grandmaster Scully – Jump Around (Remix) (House Of Pain/Scully)

Pack it up, pack it in
Let me begin
I came to win
Score a run? That’s a sin
They’re sending all the hacks up
Ramon isn’t even a back up
Put him in a starting role and yo we all think that’s just whacked up
Get up, stand up [come on!]
Come on, throw your hands up
If you’ve got this sinking feeling jump up through the ceiling
Lurch serves a slug fest, Grady’s talking junk
Yo, I’ll bust him in the eye
And then I’ll eat his Ho Ho
Reelin’, flunkin’
As Kent washes his truck
And our offense puts down more “donuts” than Saenz at a dunkin
Donut shop
Sure ’nuff we’ll fix this by the signing of Shea Hill’
That one that players want to pop

Chorus

I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)

Teams serve our ass and light up Brett Tomko
They just jackin’ it out and toss it like Kuo
Word to your moms: Nomar only got six bombs
He first pitch swings more than Beimel’s played beer pong
And just like the Proctor-ial Son that’s returned
Gonzo’s still popping up weak fly outs to third
They can’t hit home runs, and Juan ain’t got none!
And Furcal is still making errors with his shotgun!
But this is cruel, it’s not cool, cause our pen’s been worked to death
Like Grady playing Martin until his last breath
The kids got the skill, the vets are over the hill
Cause when they play they get whooped by Rick Ankiel

Chorus

I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)

Juan Pierre should be dropped, he hits at the top
We need to eat to his contract cause this loser’s a flop
We better call an arbitrator
Say he’s a “complementary player”
But then they would laugh when they find that’s Ned’s vindicator
And Ethier shouldn’t hit eighth like some punk, bitch
He’s hitting .301 and now he must switch?!
It up up him around, then buck buck him down
Put on your heads because the team is playing like the dawn of the dead
We’re coming to get ya, We’re coming to get ya
You know Roberto Hernandez is so old that he’ll wet ya?!

Chorus

I came to get down (2x)
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around (3x)
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump (17x)

Jump (33)

Yo, this is dedicated
To the Los Angeles, da flava, Dodgers
Score a fucking run, punks

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Pack It Up, Pack It In

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ap070812014176.jpgHouse of Pain, indeed.

Look, I hate to be the negative voice of doom here – but is it not getting close to time to admit that this just is not working? That a rotation of Brad Penny, Chad Billingsley, 50% of Derek Lowe, Brett Fucking Tomko and Mark Goddamn Hendrickson just isn’t going to cut it? That while Luis Gonzalez’ early-season renaissance was nice, he’s still going to be 40 in a few weeks and has continued his decline of the last 5 seasons? That Nomar Garciaparra hasn’t been a good baseball player in fourteen months now? That much as we love Russell Martin, the man is not indestructable and actually needs a rest – especially when we’re pulling day games after night games in hellish Midwest conditions?

 After today’s 12-2 waxing by a very mediocre Cardinals team, the Blue now sit only 3 games over .500 and in 4th place in the NL West. They’ve lost 10 out of 13. And they haven’t won a series since taking 2 out of 3 from the Phillies nearly a month ago. We’re supposed to believe that this team is going to turn it around to leapfrog 3 teams to win the division, or 4 teams to win the Wild Card?

Even more unfortunately.. there’s not much that can be done. There’s little reason to think Mark (6.57 ERA since the All-Star Break) Hendrickson is going to suddenly become an effective starter. There’s no reason to think Brett (ohmygod 5.49 ERA, 80 ERA+, how can you suck this bad?) will suddenly become even a mediocre starter. Wait, I’m not done with him. There’s been 113 MLB pitchers who’ve tossed as many innings as him. Ranked by VORP… he’s 105th. But, there’s no pitching out there to be had. Should we throw D.J. Houlton and Eric Stults in the rotation instead? You could make a strong argument that they couldn’t possibly be worse – but they’re not going to propel this team to playoff glory either. That’s pretty much it in terms of rotation options.

Speaking of black holes that suck the life out of everything they come near, Nomar Garciaparra. Ranked again by VORP, of the 105 players who have as many at-bats as he does.. he’s 97th. Considering that 3 of the 7 players below him are ancient members of the San Francisco Home for the Elderly, I’m counting this as 97th of 102. But again – what can be done to improve this? I’ve been on the Andy LaRoche bandwagon for some time, but he’s only played once in the last week at AAA due to back issues, so he’s hardly a viable option right now. With Meat shipped off to New York, who’s left at 3B? The Wrong Ramon Martinez? Another position where the status suck is likely to remain.

 The one area where we do have some control is left field, currently inhabited by the rotting remains of Luis Gonzalez.

Luis Gonzalez’s OPS, Last Five Seasons:
2003: .934
2004: .865
2005: .825
2006: .796
2007: .778

Wow. It’s almost like there’s a trend there. And that trend is “old and busted”. Admittedly, he got off to a good start this year. But OPS since the All-Star Break? .501. Three extra base hits. Add that to his below average defense, and can we just put this dog to sleep? So what’s wrong with playing Andre Ethier (that’s Andre “best outfielder on the team, 1.021 July OPS, .911 August OPS” Ethier) every day? What’s wrong with giving Matt Kemp a chance to break out of his slump and realize his immense talent by playing? (Yes, I realize I’m advocating not giving Gonzalez any more time to break out of his slump, but somehow I feel more confident in a 22-year old improving than a 39-year old). Finally, what’s wrong with giving Delwyn Young a real shot to play? The kid’s hit at every stop in the minors (career SLG: .514) and he’s been impressive in his short time with LA, going 6 for 11 since he’s been up, including 4 for 4 on Thursday. Since we all know that Juan Pierre’s not going anywhere in CF, tell me why we can’t see Ethier and Kemp as the starters in LF and RF, with Young getting a few starts a week in each corner?

Oh wait. Forget everything I said. We just acquired Shea Hillenbrand, Mark Sweeney, and Chad Moeller. Problems solved!!

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg