It's Official: Grady Little Out!

According to Tony Jackson of the L.A. Daily News, the Dodgers have officially parted ways with Grady Little and are scheduling a conference call at 4 P.M. Once all of this madness settles down, we’ll try and make some sense out of it, but until then…

GRADY IS GONE!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Repeat after me…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwnqqj5Q1BU]

NA, NA, NA, NA, HEY, HEY, HEY, GOODBYE!!

Nintendo Baseball triumphs.

- Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Random Stupid Quotes And Stupid People: Adrian Garcia

For all the crap that James Loney (along with Matt Kemp) has been getting lately about being unprofessional, blah, blah, blah, all that was laid to rest a couple of nights ago.

Folks, meet Adrian Garcia.

Since the beginning of this season, he has been the Dodgers new field reporter for FSN Prime Ticket. To be uncharacteristically succinct, he is a blithering idiot: I mean, really STUPID. Like Jessica Simpson stupid, but at least what she lacks in intelligence she makes up for in hotness. Or Grady Little stupid, which makes for real fun during the postgame interviews. I mean, he’s just… weird. Besides his God awful questions which make you scream “no shit, stupid!”, he’s an ass who completely overpronounces Latin names (although I swear he once tried to roll the R’s on Pierre), does bilingual interviews with players who actually DO speak English, and then sometimes mixes English AND Spanish at the same time when he talks. Then there was the ridiculous “Spanish Word Of The Day” thing. To top it off, he also has a fetish for the words “obviously” and “basically.”

It’s like: “And now we send it out to Adrian Garcia!”

“O.K., thanks guys, let’s talk about Rrrrrrr… (five minutes later)… afael Fuca, who obviously went 2-3 con un RBI and is hitting well… obviously.”

O.K., the point? After the Dodgers completely got bitch slapped yet again Thursday by the Rockies, 10-4, with two more RBI’s by Loney, James was brave enough to have another interview with Garcia. I say “another interview” after the gem from a couple of weeks ago when Garcia asked if Loney’s contacts gave him X-Ray Vision, which you could tell Loney was thinking like “What the hell?” Then Garcia asked if he could call him “Big Game James,” to which Loney said “call me whatever you want” and smartly took off.

So, just for the hell of it, I will first answer Garcia’s questions LIKE Adrian Garcia, and then put Loney’s real answer afterwards in bold.

Adrian Garcia: Alright guys, well, James Loney, tonight, 31 RBI’s, that’s where you’re at right now. How important is it for you to finish strong like this?

James Loney As Adrian Garcia: Well, you know, Adrian, I mean, with the way I’ve obviously been hitting the ball this past month, everyone’s been like, “ah, ta loco!” But basically, pretty much, no, it means nothing and I hope to finish off the year weak, pretty much, basically.

James Loney Como Adrian García: Bien, sabes, Adrian, yo significas, con la manera que he estado golpeando obviamente la bola este último mes, cada uno estado como, ” ¡ah, loco de TA! ” Pero básicamente, bonito mucho, no, significa que nada y yo espero acabar apagado el año débil, bonito mucho, básicamente.

James Loney: I want to finish strong, you know, like everybody else and, you know, and stay focused and try to win games.

AG: Now the Rockies have won 7 straight against you guys, are they that good?

JLAAG: No, I mean, they, you know, obviously like squashed our palotes in and out for the past two weeks and eliminated us and are obviously precisely within reach of the postseason still, obviously, but… no, they’re not all that good and neither is their manager, Clint Hurrrrrrrrr… (five minutes later)… dle obviously.

JLCAG: Besame, besame mucho, como si fuera esta noche la última vez. Besame, besame mucho, que tengo miedo a perderte, perderte despues. Quiero sentirte muy cerca mirarme en tus ojos verte junto a mí. Piensa que tal vez mañana yo ya estare lejos, muy lejos de ti.

JL: They got a great team over there, you know, they got some great hitters and, uh, you know, all around, actually, they’re pretty good. They’re playing for a spot in the playoffs so they’re playing hard.

AG: Now they have a big series over the weekend with the Diamondbacks, which of those two teams in your estimation has the edge there?

JLAAG: I would say basically precisely that it’s obvious that the team who pretty much scores more runs will basically have the advantage obviously.

JLCAG: La cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar. Porque no tiene, porque le falta marijuana que fumar. Ya murio la cucaracha, ya la llevan a enterrar. Entre cuatro zopilotes, y un raton de sacristan.

JL: I don’t know, they’re both great teams. I mean, I guess obviously the D-Backs have the edge, I think cause they’re a few games or so, but I don’t know, it should be a great series.

AG: Now for you guys, over the weekend, you got the Giants, is it important to finish at least at .500?

JLAAG: No, we’re obviously hoping those pendejos can beat the mierda out of us and we can finish below .500, so they can sweep us, obviously.

JLCAG: No, estamos esperando obviamente que esos pendejos pueden batir el mierda fuera de nosotros y podemos acabar debajo de .500, así que pueden barrernos, obviamente.

JL: Yeah, I would hope so, you know, hopefully you can win all those games and go end the season on a positive note. And, hopefully time passes quickly, so we can come back next year and do it big.

AG: Thanks, James, take care.

JLAAG: (jumps up and begins to strangle him)

Anyone who can put up with his interviews without strangling him IS a professional. And to think, Garcia replaced her…

 

Come back, Lindsay!

Thank you to Dictionary.com’s translator for letting me make mostly non-sensical and awful translations.

Vin vinscully-face.jpg

Done and… done.

Even though it’s been a foregone conclusion for over a week, this bloody corpse of a team finally was allowed to keel over and die officially yesterday (can a corpse still die? My horror movie library offers different opinions.) I’m not sure what was more painful; the complete ineptitude on the field this week, or the total bullshit coming out of the locker room and the news papers.

I read this, by He Who Shall Not Be Named (okay, it was Plashke), suggesting that the Dodgers give up on Matt Kemp because he’s immature and that he annoys the veterascanners1_001.jpgns. Once I cleaned up (that picture to the right? Self portrait after reading the article) and the urge to kill subsided, I still thought this was insane. That’s right, let’s get rid of the 23-year old stud who’s got the 3rd best OPS of anyone on this team with any reasonable number of at bats, behind only a future Hall of Famer and another young stud (Kent and Loney). The 4th highest VORP on the team despite getting only about half as many at bats as the guys ahead of him.  If we trade Kemp for a return that’s anything less than a young superstar hitter like Miguel Cabrera or a young talented pitcher like Erik Bedard, we’re going to have some real problems here.

Not to mention, what happened in last night’s game where the playoffs were officially lost?
J. Loney: 3-5, 3 RBI, HR
C. Hu: 2-4, 2 RBI, HR
D. Young: pinch-hit 1st MLB HR

Meanwhile, Lurch and Hernandez combine to give up 4 runs in 2.2 innings and cost the game.

Yeah. Those young guys SUCK. Lets play the AARP more!

Anyway, I wanted to completely eviscerate Plashke on this latest mind-blowing stupidity, but DodgerThoughts did a pretty good job of it already, so go check that out. Note the special red headline text color, for extra anger! I just wish I knew if idiots like Plashke actually believed this crap, or are really just trying to sell their dead medium of newspaper.

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg

Does Anyone Miss This Guy?

Look, I don’t usually like to poke fun at people who’ve hurt themselves. But if you haven’t seen what former Dodger Milton “Gameboy” Bradley pulled last night, well, that’s why MSTI is here to provide you with the video.

Let me preface this by saying that this is a guy who:

1. Was sentenced to 3 days in jail in February 2004 for evading police after a traffic stop
2. Was dumped by Cleveland in spring training 2004 after refusing to run out a popup and disrespecting manager Eric Wedge
3. Was suspended later in 2004 after tossing a bag of baseballs onto the field
4. Was suspended again in 2004 after slamming a plastic bottle at fans in the right field seats at Dodger Stadium
5. Nearly caused a race riot at Chavez Ravine when he accused Jeff Kent of “a lack of leadership and an inability to deal with black players”. (This later led to one of my favorite quotes of all time, and I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t find the exact link, when Kent’s former teammate Lance Berkman said, “Jeff Kent is not a racist. He hates white people, black people, and Latinos equally.”
6. Had the police called to his home on suspicion of spousal abuse
7. Accused A’s GM Billy Beane of “using him up” and “lying to him”
8. Called the Oakland organization racist
9. Was traded to Kansas City, but had the deal voided when the Royals were concerned about his health
10. Injured fellow outfielder Mike Cameron by accidentally stepping on his hand, tearing ligaments in Cameron’s thumb and possibly sidelining him for the season
11. Invaded Poland in 1939, saying, “the Poles don’t respect black people, but god damn it, they will now.”‘

One of those might not actually be true – I don’t really remember the plastic bottle incident.

And yet, despite all that, this is the most insanely ridiculous thing that’s ever happened to him:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iutmc9zR5x4]

That’s right – after jawing with the ump, he goes after him.. and has his ACL blown out when his own manager wrestles him to the ground to keep him from killing the umpire. You can’t even make this stuff up.

With all that, I’d say if the Dodgers could have just traded him for the bag of balls that he threw out on the field, that’d be a pretty good move. Who was it they got instead? I can’t seem to remember. Thanks, Billy!

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg

The Tales Of William Plaschke Shakespeare: Part I


Folks, meet William Plaschke Shakespeare.

William Plaschke Shakespeare, the younger, less talented and evil twin brother of the great William Shakespeare, has struck the world with more blithering non-sense in his latest column. Being prepared for this moment, I must first provide you with some background…

Growing up together, William Plaschke Shakespeare was always envious of his older brother’s work. After the elder William’s triumphant successes with “Romeo & Juliet,” “Hamlet,” “Lady MacBeth,” and more, William-Plaschke killed his older brother and immediately ran away to what became California. After awaiting the next 425 years to find work, he was hired by the L.A. Times in 1987. Since then, he has been extracting revenge on the audience that supported his brother through his miserable, one line at a time columns which try to mock his elder brother. For this, thy shall comment and knap upon Mr. Plaschke’s fustian article regarding the status of Grady Little, which cogs and deceits upon readers.

Take it away, William…

As announcements go, it shouldn’t be necessary.

As points go, it should be moot.

But there’s been enough screaming around this, that somebody needs to stick a sock in it, so allow me.

Grady Little will manage the Dodgers next season.

Period. End of story. End of screaming. Please.

“Yes, he’s back,” said Ned Colletti when I questioned the Dodgers’ general manager early Thursday evening.

I love how he starts out this article, building it all up with anticipation… and then all he goes by is a quote from Ned. What the hell is Ned going to say? I mean, imagine if it were the other way around:

(In the voice of the guy who does the movie commercials)

“In a world, where announcements aren’t necessary…

(tension builds)

As points go, they are all moot.

(orchestra builds into crescendo)

Where civilians scream in suspense, awaiting with anticipation…

(orchestra reaches climax)

Grady Little is going to get fired next season!

Period. End of story. End of screaming. Please.

“Yeah, I’m going to fire his candy ass at the end of the season! You heard it here first, I’m through with that bitch!” said Ned Colletti when I questioned the Dodgers’ general manager early Thursday evening.”

While we were talking, James Loney was working over San Diego’s Greg Maddux for five pitches that became an RBI double.

While I was typing out this sentence, I was working over the possibilities on what to eat for dinner. Hmm… should I go out and get something or, on this Saturday night, order a pizza? Dilemma!

Soon after we finished, Russell Martin was grabbing a 2-and-0 pitch and gunning it down to first base to pick off the Padres’ Scott Hairston.

And then, as I moved into this sentence, I went to change tracks on my iTunes playlist. Much to my chagrin, as I put the finishing period on the first sentence of this paragraph, I couldn’t decide to put on either “Innervisions” by Stevie Wonder or The Smiths’ “The Queen Is Dead.” but after thinking out every possible outcome and weighing all the pros and cons, I decided to take the Higher Ground and be adventurous, so I went with “Innervisions” as I finished the paragraph.

His team is in a race with an opening-day projected middle lineup — Jeff Kent, Luis Gonzalez and Nomar Garciaparra — which has combined for exactly as many home runs as Tampa Bay’s Carlos Pena (39).

It’s silly to lump Kent into that. Kent has 20 HR’s and hasn’t been the team’s problem… in fact, he’s had a very good year. Gonzo is exactly what you’d expect and, yes, that falls on Ned. However, here’s what does fall on Grady: if the lineup is that worthless in the middle of the order, then you go with the alternatives that are at your disposal. By May, everyone and their Mother knew that Nomar was done, yet he continued to hit in the 3 hole (260 at-bats), while the team’s best hitter throughout the first half, Russell Martin, was regulated to hitting sixth. Grady also controlled putting Andre Ethier, the team’s best hitter from about late June-August, in the lineup regularly by about July, once Gonzo began to tank and fall back to earth. Instead, Ethier had to fight for playing time and when he did get in the lineup, he would be hitting 8th.

The point is this: yes, some things Grady isn’t necessarily responsible for and he has had some bad luck, but while he couldn’t control Nomar’s unexpected rapid decline or Gonzo’s second half slide, what he COULD control was instead playing the younger and superior alternatives that were available. Yet the better choices either sat on the bench or, when played, hit at the bottom of the lineup.

His team is in a wild-card race when it is young enough to be in a sack race, infirmed enough to be in a bed race, and nutty enough to make it a very human race.

And that quote is an embarrassment to the human race.

He is coming back because, weird moves and wacky lineups and all, he has earned it.

So, no, he’s not getting fired for making in-game moves that have driven some fans crazy.

And, no, he’s not getting fired for filling out lineup cards which have driven some players crazy.

So, basically, he’s shitty at all of the above, yet somehow he has “earned” the right to keep being shitty at those things because…

The juggling of the lineup is nothing compared to the juggling in his office, where he has dealt with a procession of veterans complaining about playing time, rookies worried about getting cut, old guys trying to play through injuries, young guys afraid to aggravate those injuries.

The controversy he starts during games is nothing compared to the controversy he prevents during the three hours beforehand.

Sorry, no sympathy or admiration here. He’s getting paid the money to be a manager and handle these egos. If he’s letting their bitching impact his decisions, then he’s not doing his job. His primary focus should be on worrying about the best interest of the team and making sure that the best players go out there every day, not worrying about the best interests of washed up veterans’ precious egos, especially some who will be gone at the end of the year. If the veterans aren’t getting it done, then you say “Sorry, guys, but the numbers aren’t cutting it, we’re going to play the kids for a little bit,” or if Russell Martin keeps insisting that he play every inning, then you assert your authority and give him the rest. If he lets the players dictate and have influence, then he is spineless.

It is this communication upon which he should be judged.

Yeah, cause, you know… fuck all that actual managing stuff. Totally worthless. In fact, when I talk to Red Sox fans, they always say, even though Grady left Pedro in and helped blow the pennant for his team, they feel that’s irrelevant because you should have seen that kick ass communication he had with Pedro that night!

His hunch-playing from the bench will always make him a difficult manager to watch, particularly in the postseason when every move is magnified.

So, again, why do you keep defending him?

But Little is not about one game or one series. He’s a manager for all season.

You know, that’s so refreshing to hear, after all the managers we used to have that would only show up to the park once a week.

Thursday’s stars all benefited from Little’s strength.

Loney, with four runs batted in, was angrily in the minors until June 10. But Little helped him lose that anger in his swing.

So it has nothing to do with his sweet swing and Gold Glove defense. No, it’s because Grady Little gave him strength, he gave him passion, the will, the fight and the hunger and he gave him all of this as Loney was stuck in Triple-A for most of the first half. Then he provided even more strength once Loney was called up and kicked ass, only to still have to fight for playing time and then hit like 7th when he started. He also felt the strength when he was having to be regulated to try the outfield, because they had to keep precious Nomar at first base.

In reality, if I were James Loney, the only way I would take out that anger is to picture Grady’s or Ned’s face on the baseball every time I come up to the plate, after the way he and Ned completely fucked with him throughout this year. But, no, it’s all due to Grady’s Herculean strength.

Them, and him, a duo that deserves a chance to continue through next season, and will.

So the moral of this story? One, if you ever hear about the status of an organizational employee while that employee is still hired and the season isn’t over yet… always take it seriously.

And lastly: even if you suck at your job and can’t actually… I don’t know, perform it well, as long as you are an employee for all 52 weeks of the year and boost strength, then you’re on your way to CEO! Just picture your next job interview…

Interviewer: So, why should we at Johns Hopkins hire you to become our plastic surgeon?

Me: Well, because I think that based on my experience, I am fully qualified.

Interviewer: What is your experience in the medical field?

Me: Well, I used to be a plastic surgeon at UCLA, but I got involved in a lot of malpractice suits and my patients were never happy with my work; they thought I was a total incompetent. I was the guy who gave Michael Jackson all of his plastic surgery and I even accidentally gave one guy who just wanted a nose job a sex change… oh wait, that was Michael. But anyways, despite all of that, my colleagues always felt that their confidence and strength was increased around me with all the outings I used to invite them to. I showed up to work every day and I am good enough, smart enough and, doggone it, people like me!

Interviewer: You’re hired!

Vin vinscully-face.jpg