Let's Play the Blame Game

2:42 pm EST: Oh, and in the interest of fairness: Nomar, not on the final list. Sorry, Nomar. I just love using that picture.

2:23 pm EST: Mitchell’s still giving his press conference and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… oh, sorry. This guy is about as interesting as baseball where all the players aren’t juicing. Just kidding. Anyway, we’re cutting the live blogging deal a little short, because this report continues to be 409 pages long, and I’m sure we’re all more interested in sorting through it. It’s pretty good, though: there’s actually checks that the players wrote for drugs. If you haven’t checked it out yet, go here-ish: http://files.mlb.com/mitchrpt.pdf

One final comment, Mitchell is saying that everyone shares blame – players, the union, and MLB itself. I’m glad he’s not going to let Selig off the hook here.

2:04 pm EST: Well the report is out, and the hair is flying. This thing is 409 pages long! Christ. More Dodgers involved: Kevin Brown, Paulie LoDuca. No shock there.

1:54 pm EST: ESPN legal analyst Roger Cossack implicates Jason Priestly! I knew he needed some help in order to get all those 90210 hotties.

Sure, he probably meant to say Jason Grimsley, but this is way more fun.

1:45 pm EST: 15 minutes until Sen. Mitchell speaks and… wait… Jose Canseco is there? At the presser? Oh god, this is going to be a bigger circus than I thought.

1:20 pm EST: Nomar, you’ve been implicated in the Mitchell Report for using illegal steroids. How do you respond?

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1:08 pm EST: Just so we’re all on the same page here, whenever you hear anyone – exec, player, coach, media, anyone – say they were completely unaware of the steroid issue until about 2002 or so? Yeah, they’re full of shit. The Washington Post‘s Thomas Boswell wrote a story about Jose Canseco being on steroids in 1988. Canseco was so upset he threatened to sue; he didn’t, of course, because as we all know, he was full of more juice than a Florida orange grove.Just saying: don’t believe them when they say they didn’t know.

1:04 pm EST: This just in: Tommy Lasorda has tested positive for dangerously high levels of rigatoni, a performance-enhancing starch. When reached for comment, Tommy replied: “MORE!”

12:45 pm EST: While I can’t reiterate enough how much hearsay this all could be, apparently one of the big reason Clemens is on the list is because his supplier, a trainer, gave him. And that he met the trainer when he went from Boston to Toronto in 1997.

Hmmmmm.

1995, Boston: 4.18 ERA, 1.436 WHIP
1996, Boston: 3.63 ERA, 1.327 WHIP
1996-97, winter: goes to Toronto, meets Captain Steroids
1997, Toronto: 2.05 ERA, 1.030 WHIP, Cy Young winner
1998, Toronto: 2.65 ERA, 1.095 WHIP, Cy Young winner

Well. That might just check out.

12:41 pm EST: Headline of an article on the Denver Post right now: “Mitchell report puts game on pins, needles.”

Needles. Nice. The best part? Reading through the rest of the article, that appears to not even be a pun.

12:37 pm EST: Peter Gammons is making a whole hell of a lot of sense on ESPN right now. “Why did the sport have to drag this out and essentially besmirch the sport and the players?”

Good question, Pete.

12:03pm EST: Well, the first ”preliminary” list is out, or so says lovemyteam.com. 

Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander, Rick Ankiel, Jeff Bagwell, Barry Bonds, Aaron Boone, Rafael Betancourt, Bret Boone, Milton Bradley, David Bell, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Paul Byrd, Wil Cordero, Ken Caminiti, Mike Cameron, Ramon Castro, Jose and Ozz ie Canseco, Roger Clemens, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Delgado, Lenny Dykstra, Johnny Damon, Carl Everett, Kyle Farnsworth, Ryan Franklin, Troy Glaus, Rich Garces, Jason Grimsley, Troy Glaus, Jua n Gonzalez, Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Jose Guillen, Jay Gibbons, Juan Gonzalez, Clay Hensley, Jerry Hairston, Felix Heredia, Jr., Darren Holmes, Wally Joyner, Darryl Kile, Matt Lawton, Raul Mondesi, Mark McGwire, Guillermo Mota, Robert Machado, Damian Moss, Abraham Nunez, Trot Nixon, Jose Offerman, Andy Pettitte, Mark Prior, Neifi Perez, Rafael Palmiero, Albert Pujols, Brian Roberts, Juan Rincon, John Rocker, Pudge Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Scott Schoenweiis, David Segui, Alex Sanchez, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Julian Tavarez, Fernando Tatis, Maurice Vaughn, Jason Varitek, Ismael Valdez, Matt Williams and Kerry Wood.

Well then. Remember, this is “preliminary” – and even more important, I doubt there’s solid proof about all of these guys. Just heresay and allegations, I’d think, though that won’t stop the court of public opinion.

Initial thoughts are very few surprises at most of those names. The Dodgers seem to get off pretty lightly, except for Eric Gagne. Which, I mean, come on. Behind Brady Anderson and the McGwire/Bonds/Sosa trifecta, he was pretty high on my suspected list all along. Failed starter becomes best closer ever for 3 years becomes injury prone nightmare? He was juicing? NO!!

11:15am EST: Today’s the big day! The day that every baseball fan dreams of. No, not Opening Day. No, not winning the World Series. No, not even that great Hot Stove day where your team signs for or trades for its next superstar.

No, today is Super Steroid Finger Pointing Day! Ahh, memories, just like when I was a kid. Back then, players didn’t fool around with “HGH” or “the clear”. They were sky-high on blow, and that’s how we liked it, damn it!

Anyway, as New York City is being blanketed by some awful ice snow dealie, I’ve decided, what better way to waste a day off than to break out a good old steroid-fueled live blog? Wait, that came out wrong. We’re off to a good start – we’ve already got rumors that Roger Clemens is going to be busted in this thing. The guy who was more effective at 45 than most players are at 25 was juicing? NO!

Also, I’m just as interested to see how all of the talking heads in the sports media respond to this – because you can be sure that they’re all on RED ALERT today – because often, that’s more entertaining than the story itself.

For example, I’m sure that ESPN will take a calm, measured response, with no sensationalistic qualities.

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Oh boy. We’re off to a great start here. More to come, starting 1pm EST.

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg

Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night

Well… make that Sunday morning.

Here on the Right Coast, it’s 2:34am.  A quick recap of Mike Scioscia’s Tragic Night: after seeing Superbad (unbelievably raunchy, but very funny), it wasdarkbuster-02.jpg off to see my favorite punk-rock band, followed by quite a bit of imbibing, including at least one super-powered Jagerbomb purchased for me by the singer of the very same band (at right).

Why is this Dodger-related? Because periodically though the night, I’d checked the score of the game on my phone, and when it was 4-2 Rockies in the 8th, I basically gave up. On the way home, I saw it was tied in the 10th. So now, with it tied at 4 in the top of the 13th, with me still wearing my paper “of-age” wristlet, I present the first “Mike Scioscia’s Tragic Illness Slightly Unsober Starting in the 13th Inning Liveblog”.

2:35am: Roberto Hernandez just came in the game. This liveblog might not actually last that long.

2:40am: Well, somehow Hernandez’ corpse had just enough mojo left to get through that. Martin just popped out to start the bottom of the 13th. Speaking of corpses, here comes Luis Gonzalez.

2:42am: I’ve been trying forever to find good pictures to do this with, but I have had no luck, so I’ll just say it: how much does Luis Gonzalez look like Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs? I bring this up because I think Mike Rowe might be a better hitter right now, as Gonzalez flies to center.

2:47am: And we go to 14. I tell you, I’m sure glad I had to work at MLB.com last night – when the Dodger game was over in about 2.5 hours and I was out of there at 1:45am – than tonight, when my poor co-workers are going to be there until at least 4am, no matter how soon this ends. That said, Roberto Hernandez is out for a 2nd inning of work.. so no good can come of this.

2:53am: Double, sac bunt, walk = men at first and third. And it’s only Matt Holliday coming up. He’s not good or anything.

2:55am: And there it is, an RBI single. Thanks for showing up, Roberto. Seriously. Thanks.

3:04am: Another walk, bases loaded for Hawpe. Why is Hernandez still on this team? I’d honestly rather see James Loney throwing some heat right now on the mound.

3:06am: 2-run single. 7-4. I hate you, Roberto Hernandez. HATE. I want Jon Meloan up here yesterday.

3:14am: James Loney strikes out looking. In the tunnel, Roberto Hernandez is lighting a puppy on fire.

3:15am: Furcal grounds to SS.  Hernandez is funnelling money to al-Qaeda.

3:17am: Pierre grounds out to end the game. Let’s all thank Roberto Hernandez here, kids. And by “thank” i mean “throw into a canyon”.

Good night.

- Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness msti-face.jpg