Well, At Least It Won’t Be With the Dodgers

Are the major leagues really that desperate for pitching? Apparently they are, according to former FOX Sports/Monday Night Football eye candy Lisa Guerrero:

An excruciating experience to me is watching a baseball game from the stands, in say, Mexicali, while my husband, a 40-year-old pitcher attempting to make a comeback after a two-year hiatus, is on the mound doing his darndest to last five innings and locate the strike zone.

ericksonguerrerro.jpgIf you don’t know who Lisa Guerrero is, it’s wildly entertaining to imagine that her husband is actually Pedro Guerrero. Unfortunately, the truth is much more gruesome, as we’ll see later:

Every pitch he throws seems to be going in slow-motion, although surprisingly, he’s registering up to 90 mph on the radar gun. Pretty good after riding the couch for 2 1/2 years. Scott Erickson’s jersey number here is 53. Somebody else has his traditional 19.

Oh, Scott. If your wife is even ragging on how soft you’re tossing and you’re stuck with a number that you usually see on non-roster spring training invitees in the Mexican League, it’s really time to call it quits, no? Actually, I take that back, because in just looking up your stats, I see you haven’t even had a league average ERA+ since 1998 - which means you’re about a decade past your “expired on” date. How is it even possible you’ve stuck around that long? You’re not even left-handed. On top of that, I remember that he wasn’t even that good with the Dodgers in 2005, but a 6.02 ERA? I don’t remember him being that bad.

But hey, at least it’s working out in Mexico: his 7.71 ERA in 9.1 innings includes walking 10 while whiffing 2 (not a typo!), allowing 14 hits and 3 homers. On the other hand, who knows what the hell is happening in a league in which former Dodger infielder Oscar Robles (career OPS+: 78, 5 HR) is putting up an .894 OPS with 9 homers. Are they playing in Little League parks?

Back to the point, former Dodger Scott Erickson is attempting a comeback, which should normally have us dropping to our knees and praying to whichever lord you choose to that his desiccated corpse won’t end up back in Dodger blue. But no, friends! Not today! Why not? Well, it’s hard to get a job with an organization when your wife has just opened up her big yap to criticize the man at the top of the ladder:

Also being honored were George Brett, Goose Gossage, the Alou family and Whitey Herzog. The hosts were actors Brendan Fraser and Don Johnson.

All in all, a pretty impressive group of folks were in attendance. So who wouldn’t want to get dolled up, have a nice steak dinner and listen to these legends share baseball stories?

Apparently, Frank McCourt.

At exactly 9:28 p.m. the Dodgers owner stood up and made his exit — right in the middle of Dave Winfield’s speech. Guess he didn’t want to sit through the rest of the honorees. The ones he missed were Herzog, Brett, Gossage and Tommy Lasorda (although, to be fair, McCourt can listen to Lasorda’s speeches any time he wants).

McCourt missed some great moments, including Gossage ribbing Brett about “the pine tar incident” and calling him “a cheater,” and an off-color joke by Herzog that I’d love to pass along here but Sports Editor Randy Harvey would just edit it out.

Guess you had to be there, but McCourt wasn’t either. Maybe he had to rush home to catch “Saturday Night Live?”

Excellent work, Lisa. Way to stunt your husband’s already slim comeback chances by insulting 1 of the only 30 people who could give him a job. Why stop there? Maybe next you could write about how Little Caesar’s Pizza gave you the runs or that the Nintendo Wii just flat-out sucks. Still, as Dodger fans: we thank you for saving us from the inevitable disaster to come. Please insult the McCourts at every opportunity.