O.K., So Maybe We Don’t Have To Play Them ALL The Time

So, a thoroughly miserable game all around.  I mean, it wasn’t a blowout, in fact, it was only a Manny82309  .jpg3-1 loss, but it was definitely a frustrating loss.  Chad Billingsley managed to go 6 IP, giving up 3 ER on 9 hits, while walking 1 and striking out 5.  Billingsley was, for the most part, decent, and managed to pick up another quality start, but also hit a wall in the 6th inning, which brought in the 2 runs that ended up making the difference in the game.  The 6th inning hasn’t been a particularly good one for Billingsley, this year, as he seems to either fatigue or loses something that causes him to become much more hittable. 

However, the bulk of this loss can’t really be blamed on Billingsley.  He wasn’t great, but he pitched well enough.  Unfortunately, even despite the fact that taking three out of four from the Cubs deems this a very successful series, the offense for the most part hasn’t really changed and continues to struggle.  The offense did come alive a little bit on Thursday, scoring 7 runs (albeit 4 of them came on a Russell Nathan Coltrane Jeanson Martin, Jr. Grand Slam), but Randy Wolf singlehandedly won the game for them on Friday (both at the plate and on the mound), while eeking out 2 runs yesterday afternoon and barely mustering one run today.  As has been the case, the problem isn’t necessarily getting the runners on base, but the inability to hit with RISP.  Take today: in the bottom of the 6th inning, Juan Pierre PH for Billingsley and singled up the middle, only for Furcal to ground into the force play at second and then for Ethier to ground into the inning ending double play.  Things become the most maddening in the bottom of the 8th, when the Dodgers wasted two leadoff walks and after Loretta grounds into a force play at second, Hudson comes in to PH and hits into the inning ending double play. 

Those two innings in some way have been a microcosm of what’s been killing this team over the past month or so, in addition to Furcal, Loney, and Martin having a miserable August (.221/.287/.267, .227/.320/.273, .238/.304/.349, respectively), and, well, Manny not being Manny.  Hopefully this does amount to nothing more than just a bump on the road, but those bats are going to need to pick up beginning Tuesday, when they begin a critical series in Denver against Colorado, who are 3.5 games behind after today.  Should be fun… 

Lastly, to take care of some business, as you may know, this weekend marks the ThinkCure radiotelewebethon and one of the notable contests is the Battle Of The Josh’s, which pits Josh Rawitch, the VP Of Communications for the Dodgers, against Josh Suchon who, along with Ken Levine, host KABC’s great “DodgerTalk” show, the same show, if you remember, MSTI (who, by the way, I think is still somewhere on the 5) appeared on back in May

Anyways, there’s a lot of cool things you can bid on, but one of the cooler things on there that we encourage you to look at is the opportunity to stalk… err, excuse me, follow Josh Suchon around Dodger Stadium for the day, amongst other cool things, which can be found on this link.  Bidding ends tomorrow, so check it out, especially as it all, of course, goes to a great cause. 

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ThinkCure: Save The Los Angeles Dodgers

The Los Angeles Dodgers fanbase, the Mike Scioscia’s Tragic Illness constituency and the City Of Hope and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles are pleased to announce to you our new charity:



ThinkCure is the new charitable endeavor launched to help fight the battle against serious illness and incompetence to players and coaches in the Dodgers organization. ThinkCure and its sponsors hope to create a sense of strength and success of which will be generated by a healthy base of motivational support inspired by the search for a cure for these self-destructive illnesses. Not only do we want ThinkCure to become a success amongst its sponsors, but also amongst the entire Los Angeles Dodgers’ fanbase.

Let us chronicle just a few of the painful experiences that some of our victims face today. First off, let us begin with Dodgers’ third baseman Nomar Garciaparra.

For many, Nomar was one of the greatest shortstops of the 1990′s. That statement would be very true, as he would go on to win back to back batting titles in 1999-2000… but then the illnesses would hit.

Since mid-2006, Nomar has suffered from an acute case of “I am an old has-been who now sucks…… Itis.” This is an illness that is common amongst men in their mid to late 30′s. In addition to his severe obsessive compulsive disorder before he steps into the batters box, symptoms of IAAOHWNSI include:

  • Declining in most of your statistical numbers.
  • Making significantly weaker contact with the baseball during at-bats.
  • Not taking like… a fucking pitch
  • Your wife is the better athlete… at your sport
  • In extreme cases, symptoms can also include being outslugged by Juan Pierre. If such cases happen, please contact your nearest MSTI represenetive, as soon as possible.

Alas, it does not end here…

Let us meet victim number two, Juan Pierre.

Juan Pierre is a former World Series champion and was a key member of the 2003 Marlins. Unfortunately, since 2005, things have turned for the worse for Juan. Suddenly, Juan has suffered from:

  • No longer getting on base with a ridiculously low OBP
  • Extra base hits are at a minimum
  • Lack of throwing arm.
  • Feeling he is worth $45 million dollars
  • Hitting very weak grounders or lazy fly outs
  • Feeling he is worth $45 million dollars

For Heaven’s sake, just look at the man being reduced of his dignity and pride…

But sadly, it does not end there. Here is our third victim, Olmedo Saenz.

Saenz was once a star pinch hitter for the Dodgers. If there was ever a reason to believe in clutch hitting, he sure made solid arguments with his extraordinary pinch hitting abilities. Unfortunately, he has now reached a level of both decline and suckiness. Saenz also suffers from:

  • Feelings of grandeur and delusion where he walks around calling himself: “Big Sexy.”
  • Reduced bat speed
  • Can no longer hit Major League pitching
  • The Pittsburgh Pirates are now kicking his ass

Unfortunately, Saenz’s decline is becoming so rapid, he has now fallen into a depression. As comfort food, Olmedo is now eating a bat boy every day and reports are surfacing that they have found the remains of Jimmy Hoffa in his stomach.

Finally, let us meet our fourth and final victim, Dodgers manager Grady Little.

Unfortunately for Grady, he has had a chronic case of brain gastritis. Symptoms of this include:

  • Leaving your tired starting pitcher in a crucial playoff game
  • Developing unusual hunches
  • Ineffective lineup cards
  • Benching your talent
  • Ineffectively handling starting and relief pitching
  • Lack of passion
  • Developing unusual likings to 42 year old relief pitchers.
  • Running your fucking catcher into the ground

In such severe cases as Grady’s, head positions can also be unusual from the normal, as the head is usually found up their ass. Unfortunately, several of Grady’s symptoms have also affected those around him. Here is one observer…

“It just really pains me to see him go through this. I speak from watching him first-hand. Take me, for instance. He would be so abusive with me and my playing time. I couldn’t even get into the lineup at first, he just wouldn’t let me. He would get so bad, that’s why I had to start the season in Triple-A. He told me that it didn’t matter if I hit .380 or even .700. As long as I wasn’t a veteran, I had no chance. Thankfully after I slipped him a… uh… oops..”

- James Loney

Folks, we feel that it is imperative to find a cure for these illnesses. These illnesses are not only self-destructive, but they also tear apart the fabric and morale of the organization. Think of the devotion and time that the fans put into their Dodgers. Think of the little children who come to Dodger Stadium and put their lifes on the line every night by sitting in the pavillion just to watch their heroes play. By making a donation today, not only will you put a smile on these children’s faces, but you will also be helping the chances of maybe, just maybe, finding a cure to make your Dodgers restore the brains and talent to be competent again. And if God creates a miracle, perhaps even competent enough to make a run for first place.

However, do not let the thought of a donation scare you; we do not ask for much. We are not a greedy bunch. Me and Mike Scioscia’s Tragic Illness have donated $1,000,000 each, but if we had 1,000,000 people donate a dollar each, we would be just as thrilled, if not just to get everyone involved. Any donations are appreciated. To make a donation, please call:

1-800 CURE-LAD

Be a champion and make a donation today. Because we can be heroes, if just for one day.

Thank You,

The MSTI Constituency

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